Generally speaking, women all over the world work harder on their marriages than their husbands do. They would be the first one to notice that something’s wrong in the marriage, they would be the first one to seek counseling and not surprisingly, they would, more often than not, be the one to file for divorce.
Oftentimes, when asked what causes their dissatisfaction with their marriage, women are quick to say that “my husband just doesn’t understand my needs”.Even after many years of marriage, it is not strange to hear women say that their husbands are totally clueless with what can really make them happy.
Sometimes, men would feel that their wives have unrealistic demands and they just find it so exhausting to constantly be trying to please their wives.The role of husbands today has become more complicated than it was maybe 20 or 30 years ago – the husband doesn’t just have to be a good provider, he has to be there for soccer games, for parent conferences; he has to be the ultimate sexual partner for his wife and the ideal leader of the clan.
It is not surprising then that men end up disappointed with themselves also for failing to meet their wives’ expectations, which sometimes are just too much for them to handle.Many men, faced with criticisms from their wives, would react the opposite way.They would just stop trying to fulfill their wives’ demands and even accept it as a reality that women are born to complain, and it is just best to ignore them.
When this happens in a marriage, when the husband would often ignore what his wife is trying to tell him, the wife would start feeling that her husband is neglecting her.She would start to feel that her husband is not sensitive to her needs and the communication starts to break down.
Statistics show that there are fewer women who would leave their husbands because of sexual or physical abuse.On the contrary, many women in abusive relationships would not even think of leaving, because they feel even more threatened once they leave. Most women would leave because they perceive that they are being neglected by their husbands – either their expectations are not met, or their husbands are never there for them.
So where is the common ground here?Is divorce the answer, when the relationship fails to deliver, so to speak?
There should be a point of compromise, where both husband and wife can set their expectations from each other straight and work towards fulfilling these together.It may take years before that level of satisfaction in a relationship is reached, but it is not totally impossible.
Frustrations and disappointments are normal everyday happenings in a marriage.With a strong love and appreciation for each other, a couple can find ways to communicate and resolve conflicts in away that will not threaten the relationship.
